Meet Chumpa - a fast talking girl with ambition, a promising career and a problem. Her wedding is booked, relatives are arriving, presents are piling up....all she needs now is a groom. From Bollywood suitors to the boy next door, follow Chumpa in her search for the man of her dreams.

About Dolly Dhingra

Dolly Dhingra is a scriptwriter and journalist. She currently works for The Guardian and has written for the Independent and Time Out. Her previous plays include One Night, Nowhere Fast and Spooked. Reproduced below is an edited version of a Chumpa's diary that Dolly Dhingra has written to accompany the Theatre production by The Pilot Theatre company.

CHUMPA'S DIARY

Chumpa Chameli, ball breaking Asian female from the East-End of London with ideas above her station (Upton Park, district line).

Age: 28, 2 months.

Date: 1 May 2001 Time: 23.57

Did it in the car again. Ashok refused to wear a condom, surprise, surprise. Says it's not natural. Tried to explain that neither's the pill. Refuse to put on weight, besides never can remember to take it. Someone should invent a homeopathic form of birth control - there's a definite niche in the market. Considered the coil but worried it might set off security alarms in department stores. Sab and Mandy have convinced me to take Salsa lessons; asked Ashok if he wants to come. Thank god he said no. Maybe there'll be some nice blokes? Not that nice blokes are an East End specialty or anything. Should learn Spanish. Donde esta los sorvisos? 'Where is my beloved?' or is that 'Where is the toilet?' Anyway must do pronto - no that's Italian.

The campaign against cholesterol is going horribly wrong. Converting mum is harder than I imagined. Thought a tankard had had a spillage in my chicken curry today. And they wonder why Punjabis are so fat. Cellulite has made a comeback on the thighs. Refuse to turn into yet another fat bottomed Indian woman. Will have to invest in one of those Marilyn Monroe type swimming costumes. Why are swimming costumes so expensive? Could always do what the Indian women do - wear knickers, leggings, swimming costume and a long T-shirt - surprised they don't wear their saris in the pool.. We Indians are so repressed. They never shave their legs either. Don't their men mind? Probably don't notice, since they do it in the dark - if at all?

Have made a new start to my debut novel. This writing lark ain't easy. Got as far as the title and my thanks. Must think of some earth-shattering quotes to include conveying my hidden depths. But have yet to find them - quotes not depths. Perhaps I should quote De Beauvoir? So far it's taken 672 days to read 127 pages of Toni Morrison's Beloved. Don't know why she won the Nobel Prize for Literature - can anyone really read it? People who finish should win The Nobel Prize for Reading. It's killing me - like swimming in butter.

Better go to sleep got the guys from Congress of Hydraulic Cement Concrete production coming in - want to talk to us about our editorial coverage of scaffolding. Yippee can't wait. Will threaten to burn my bra if Patel asks me to make them teas and coffees. Should not think of evil things before going to sleep. God - please let my life be thin, interesting, full of hope and the possibility of making it to the top of the fiction best-sellers list before I die. Goodnight.

Click here to visit the Pilot Theatre Company website.

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